I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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