Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
