dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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