another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
