i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
