i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
