Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
