It's Friday. Sex?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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