Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Girls should come with a carfax report
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
