Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
