Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
