Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize