i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My ass is underappreciated
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
