We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize