Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize