bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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