I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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