i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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