I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
