I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
