You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
