as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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