i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
