I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
