HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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