Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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