We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
