im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize