i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
