is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
