We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize