would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
