My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
