Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
