battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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