the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
