Ketchup is God's man juice
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
