Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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