why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
