i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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