so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize