Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
