That's when you crack a 10am beer
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
