he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
