That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
