Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
