I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
