headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
