You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
