3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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