so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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