So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize