I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
