im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
