well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
