Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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