Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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