If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think my moral compass just broke
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
