Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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