Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
