Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
