Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Say something about gay babies.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
