Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
