last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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