When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
