He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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