i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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