Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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