Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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