they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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